15 September
Jogja sedang panas.
Sep 24, 2018
Jun 16, 2018
Close the Doors
Maybe after all the pains, the hurt memories, the sadness, the countless dissapointments, the false hopes, she'd learn how to close the doors into her heart, locking in from inside and threw the key to the unknown place she'd never visit.
She'd burn down the bridge to her broken castle, so nobody could go in anymore. All the pains, all the tears, all the heartache, she could never trust anyone ever again.
She trusted too much, she hoped too much that everything would finally be better, but, oh God! How naive and stupid girl she once was!
She'd rebuild her walls highly, set fire on top of it, letting all the mixed rage and sadness to set the fire bigger and wilder, throwing bombs everywhere outside her walls, setting free all her anger and chaos in her mind.
She'd froze her entire inside castle, letting all the numbness and sadness took away, finally giving herself up in her emotion.
And by the time I finished writing this,
she'd had already close all the doors, all gates, destroying all the entrances-
She'd burn down the bridge to her broken castle, so nobody could go in anymore. All the pains, all the tears, all the heartache, she could never trust anyone ever again.
She trusted too much, she hoped too much that everything would finally be better, but, oh God! How naive and stupid girl she once was!
She'd rebuild her walls highly, set fire on top of it, letting all the mixed rage and sadness to set the fire bigger and wilder, throwing bombs everywhere outside her walls, setting free all her anger and chaos in her mind.
She'd froze her entire inside castle, letting all the numbness and sadness took away, finally giving herself up in her emotion.
And by the time I finished writing this,
she'd had already close all the doors, all gates, destroying all the entrances-
May 20, 2018
When I Decided
That night, I was alone in my small flat. It was raining, I remember the smell of the rain and soil. Though it was cold and chilly, my palms were sweaty and I could feel the heat started to take over my head, my mind.
That night, I decided to kill myself.
I was leaning on the kitchen counter, knife beside me. I never used that knife but to cut something like plastic or my wrist. I never cooked anymore since I moved here.
The flat I was living in was a quiet one, people who lived here mostly were youngsters like college students just like me, elders, and there was this kinda-scary woman who lived in room number 78. I met her once when I bought something from our floor's vending machine.
She had this brown, curly hair which reminded me of my classmate, thin body and oh, those big eyes. It always amazes me. But her way speaking was really unnerving and she always had this dont-speak-to-me aura. So that time I just smiled at her-
which she replied with a grin.
She was pretty.
If only I knew her name.
I never asked a girl out. I was such a coward.
And people would just ignore me- she'd just ignore me, anyway. As long as I remember, my life had always been suck. So did I.
I stared at my wrist. If you saw my wrist right now, I'm sure you'd freak out. I had so many old scars here, oh, and these new scars I made just days ago. I never cut with a razor, though. It must be painful.
I took the knife, and carelessly dragged it on my wrist. On my palm. On my thighs. I- I didn't know why. For years I lived, I knew for sure that I was not a strong person to endure pain or sharp objects, even like a needle, to scar me like this.
But for years too I realized I had been doing that routinely and the pain was just like- invisible? I don't know how to describe it.
The blood started staining my shirt, the floor- my palms were covered in it. Oh, God. I hate its smell. I was dizzy. My vision started to get blurry, and it was getting hard to breath.
If my parents saw this, if my friends saw this...
I'd make sure to look them right in their eyes and stabbed myself so they could see how I die- so I had someone, to at least accompany me in my last breathe.
But you have nobody. Nobody wants to be there for you.
I named this voice as Jamie. Jamie was a bitch. She always there to make me feel worthless (I know that fact already, no need to remind me). She was my main reason why I cried almost every night.
All I wanted to tell was, I was battling myself. Jamie. My own mind.
It would never gone-
not when I'm still alive.
The pain would never leave me unless I die.
That night, I decided to kill myself.
I was leaning on the kitchen counter, knife beside me. I never used that knife but to cut something like plastic or my wrist. I never cooked anymore since I moved here.
The flat I was living in was a quiet one, people who lived here mostly were youngsters like college students just like me, elders, and there was this kinda-scary woman who lived in room number 78. I met her once when I bought something from our floor's vending machine.
She had this brown, curly hair which reminded me of my classmate, thin body and oh, those big eyes. It always amazes me. But her way speaking was really unnerving and she always had this dont-speak-to-me aura. So that time I just smiled at her-
which she replied with a grin.
She was pretty.
If only I knew her name.
I never asked a girl out. I was such a coward.
And people would just ignore me- she'd just ignore me, anyway. As long as I remember, my life had always been suck. So did I.
I stared at my wrist. If you saw my wrist right now, I'm sure you'd freak out. I had so many old scars here, oh, and these new scars I made just days ago. I never cut with a razor, though. It must be painful.
I took the knife, and carelessly dragged it on my wrist. On my palm. On my thighs. I- I didn't know why. For years I lived, I knew for sure that I was not a strong person to endure pain or sharp objects, even like a needle, to scar me like this.
But for years too I realized I had been doing that routinely and the pain was just like- invisible? I don't know how to describe it.
The blood started staining my shirt, the floor- my palms were covered in it. Oh, God. I hate its smell. I was dizzy. My vision started to get blurry, and it was getting hard to breath.
If my parents saw this, if my friends saw this...
I'd make sure to look them right in their eyes and stabbed myself so they could see how I die- so I had someone, to at least accompany me in my last breathe.
But you have nobody. Nobody wants to be there for you.
I named this voice as Jamie. Jamie was a bitch. She always there to make me feel worthless (I know that fact already, no need to remind me). She was my main reason why I cried almost every night.
All I wanted to tell was, I was battling myself. Jamie. My own mind.
It would never gone-
not when I'm still alive.
The pain would never leave me unless I die.
Aug 29, 2017
Innisfree Sheet Mask
Okay, I never really had time to update this abandoned blog. As for today, Imma share something I really fond of these days, sheet mask!
It's been a year since Innisfree brand has gotten into my life, but never once I bought their sheet mask lol. Just yesterday I was strolling around Lippo Plaza when I found it.
Sheet mask. Innisfree. Discount.
How could I resist?
It's been a year since Innisfree brand has gotten into my life, but never once I bought their sheet mask lol. Just yesterday I was strolling around Lippo Plaza when I found it.
Sheet mask. Innisfree. Discount.
How could I resist?
I havent tried the mask yet, since I had used one last Wednesday. I used sheet mask twice for a week, and it really fixes my problematic skin kkk
